NFL Writer/editor/founder of Too Deep Zone. Formerly Football Outsiders, the New York Times, The Messenger, Bleacher Report and other ancient empires.
New Jersey
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- Followers 28,623
- Likes 11,129
They cannot believe that Gibbs rose to them.
Brad Holmes almost breaks the table in excitement as he and Dan Campbell are glad to draft the versatile, explosive Jahmyr Gibbs #NFLDraft
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Contact tracers determined that no #Falcons defender has come within 6 feet of anyone since 2017.
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Nothing proves the necessity of a protest more simply and vividly than an autocrat becoming enraged by that protest.
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The Mike McCarthy #Cowboys era so far:
- Didn't watch quite as much film during year off as he told the team.
- Hasn't "embraced analytics" so much as sought an analytics endorsement.
- Hasn't gotten around to calling his QB after a week on the job.
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If the #Patriots came knocking for the guys at the bottom of my roster during cutdown week, I would rewatch tape of the guys until my eyes bled looking for what I was missing.
Breaking: #Patriots are trading for Ravens G/T Jermaine Eluemunor, league source confirms. Story soon on @BGlobeSports
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"MARSHAWN LYNCH DISRESPECTS AMERICA" they will scream, the day after Nazis marched through the streets and killed law-abiding citizens.
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Chance of being 1 of 10 people out of 62 chosen for weekly random drug tests over 9 weeks PURELY AT RANDOM:
0 Times: 20.5%
1 Time: 35.5%
2 Times: 27.3%
3 Times: 12.3%
4 Times: 3.5%
5 Times: 0.68%
6 Times: 0,087%
*** 7 Times 0.0072%
8 Times: 0.0003%
9 Times: 0.000007%
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She was never obedient.
She was rarely affectionate.
She hated 99% of the dogs she ever met.
But she was my constant companion for 11 years
I will never stop loving her.
Rest in peace Beemo.
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What is most surreal about Andrew Luck's retirement right now is that it feels like sad news that a young millionaire is leaving a grueling, dangerous career to go spend time with his wife.
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The #Patriots are paying top-of-market prices for players coming off their best seasons to play major roles. That's the opposite of how it's done. Today is a disaster for them that's being reported as a triumph.
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The Julian Edelman Hall of Fame argument is generally only advanced by 2 sorts of people:
1) #Patriots homers and
2) Folks who mix Edelman, Wes Welker and Danny Amendola into one Gundam slot white guy.
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I don't have a problem with Baker Mayfield staring down Hue Jackson on an NFL sideline. I have a problem with Hue Jackson still being on an NFL sideline.
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Seriously, listening to Antonio Brown get normalized and his return to the NFL justified makes me want to puke.
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Antonio Brown is America's 2nd biggest reminder that if you blitz us with enough awful behavior, many will just lose track of it all and shrug while the already-powerful hold their noses and pursue their self interest.
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Has anyone tried looking 2 steps behind Amari Cooper?
(Sorry. I know this is serious. Couldn't resist )
DeAndre Baker is still at-large. It has been more than 35 hours. #Giants
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Tennessee QB Hendon Hooker on his team's allegedly simple one-read offense. "It's not my fault that my first read was always open."
Question from @NFL_DougFarrar .
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Waivers just recorded its first sack.
The #Giants announced they are placing OT Ereck Flowers, former first-round pick, on waivers.
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There is nothing partisan about opposing bigotry, intolerance and cruelty. It is, in fact, our duty as Americans. nitter.app/Evan_McMullin/status/8…
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I don't rip Josh Norman, because I have the utmost respect for someone who a) had several outstanding seasons and b) stole a ton of money from Dan Snyder.
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Hue Jackson's workout script was to bench Kaepernick in favor of Cody Kessler, then blame it on Todd Haley.
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Be sure to do a quick background check on Urban Meyer before Tweeting @ me that "Eric Bieniemy has Baggage." Please and thank you.
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I, for one, want multiple teams, stadium employees, media members and even season-ticket holders to be forced to suddenly shift family holiday plans in December so the game on in the background while I eat dinner is slightly more entertaining.
NFL should make the Christmas games flexible, like Week 15. Pick the three games closer to the day. Two of this year's three games = not great, frankly.
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Been offline for an hour. Fully expect to now read that Antonio Brown is threatening to poison Gotham's water supply from his lair in the abandoned helmet factory.
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Paris Johnson Jr. majored in journalism at Ohio State but has opted to play NFL left tackle because at least there are still 32 paying jobs left in that industry.
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SOURCE: Alabama, Notre Dame and Boston College to join rebuilt Pac-12. Amazon to bid $475-million on exclusive streaming rights.
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Has anyone seen RRR on Netflix? It's Fast & Furious meets Dr. Zhivago meets Robin Hood meets Beastmaster meets Hamilton. Highly recommended.
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Teachers are figuring out ways to teach fractions to 4th graders on Zoom. Think NFL executives can manage to draft 250 college football players without needing a 12-hour meeting to discuss someone's exact pro day results.
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BREAKING NEWS: Amazon announces new service that makes your team go for it on fourth down for $8.99-month.
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The #Cardinals released 25-year old Tyrann Mathieu for cap reasons.
They will pay injury-plagued 30-year old Sam Bradford at least $15-million to be a bridge quarterback this year.
Enjoy what's left of your sanity, folks.
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The #Rams are copycats, going All In to win the Super Bowl like the Rams did last year.
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Thoughts and prayers this morning to all the miserable cusses waiting for Lamar Jackson to get hurt so they can say "See? I was right!" instead of enjoying one of the most breathtaking seasons in NFL history.
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Schools are not allowed to even use budget money to buy bagels for teachers.
My wife just bought her supplies out of pocket.
My kid's school is playing all road games b/c the bleachers were condemned.
Somehow there's always money for more guns.
Breaking News: Betsy DeVos, the education secretary, is said to be considering a plan to let schools use federal money to buy guns for teachers
nyti.ms/2wjCwMy
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What Auburn DT Marlon Davidson loves about football: "You can hit a man, just pound him, and the police don't come."
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A thought:
If you are healthy enough to stand in the pocket with Von Miller on the other side of the field, you are also healthy enough to fall forward for 18 inches.
Andy Reid doesn't regret calling the play that sent Patrick Mahomes straight into a cluster of oversized humanity wp.me/p14QSB-bdv0
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STUNNING DEVELOPMENT: Man decides working for money is better than working for free.
Wow. Bombshell from @TIM_MAYsports and a massive blow for Ohio State. Nick Bosa won't return to the Buckeyes. buckeyextra.com/sports/20181…
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A decade from now, my timeline will still be full of #Bills fans fansplaining the deficiencies of Tyrod Taylor, the only QB this century to lead them to the playoffs, whose replacements cannot survive 30 minutes in the same system.
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When NFL ratings drop 10% in the 18-25 demographic in about 12 years, remember that the NFL decided to show children 3 and a half hours of the Bears offense as a way to showcase their product.
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Conversation around Jalen Hurts right now sure is different than the conversation around Mac Jones last night.
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Take the vaccine. Shotgun a beer. Destroy a card table. Watch Josh Allen. Enjoy life. #BillsMafia
BREAKING NEWS: Poloncarz announces full return to @BuffaloBills stadium for in-person attendance at Bills games but ONLY if you have been FULLY VACCINATED. No Vaccine = No Entry.
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By naming Josh Allen their starter, the NFL's worst team is making the best possible decision it can based on the terrible options it created for itself.
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This is the Antonio Brown helmet saga of international politics.
BREAKING: President Trump postpones his Denmark trip after the prime minister refuses to sell Greenland cnn.it/2zdFJip
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And now for the Thursday NFL news cycle of
9 AM: full panic
10 AM: shut down the league!!!!!!!!
11 AM: 32 Bubbles or Fight
Noon: This is unfair to the #Patriots somehow
1 PM: Game postponed
2 PM: Wednesday Night Football sounds fun!
3 PM: Let's look at GIFs of linebackers
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"Boycott Hamilton" is the #1 hashtag in America among people who never attend a live play and couldn't get tickets even if they tried.
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Whoever produced and directed this needs a 3 movie deal to save the DC Cinematic Universe.
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Somewhere, colleagues I once respected are busily composing "Does Michael Bennett have any proof it happened?" tweets.
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Daniel Jones with no WRs and multiple injuries: Imma dink and dunk to TEs, gimp-scramble for first downs, and do my dardnest."
Aaron Rodgers with no WRs: "Things are going sideways? F**k it, launch hopeless bombs and scowl."
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Kaepernick is unemployed
Hillary is defeated
Trump is still terrified of both
Because racism and sexism are cowardice
But courage is power.
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"I'm no big-city attorney like my opponent. I'm just an old-fashioned country tabby cat..."
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RICHARD SHERMAN MADE MY JOB HARDER BY DELIVERING SUBSTANTIVE NEWSWORTHY INSIGHTS INSTEAD OF ANSWERING QUESTIONS ABOUT THE RAMS OFFENSE.
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So Baker Mayfield after one day of practice can lead a comeback against this #Raiders defense but Justin Herbert cannot? Ok cool cool cool.
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The Year 2 QBs:
Baker Mayfield: in a toxic codependency with his team.
Sam Darnold: trapped in a Saw-like scenario.
Josh Allen: destined to be Tall Mariota.
Josh Rosen: riding the Paxton Lynch express.
Lamar Jackson: Looking swell.
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Aaron Rodgers is now an RPG character. "I shall only join you if you prove your worthiness by embarking on a dozen side quests to fetch my favorite magical items."
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Good morning!
Lamar Jackson is 4th in the NFL in passer rating and 10th in rushing yards.
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Skins could obviously still make the playoffs with @Kaepernick7 running an option-type offense v #Giants, #Jaguars, etc. Almost 0% chance of doing so with Sanchez. And had no qualms about the "media circus" around Reuben Foster. The collusion rubber is really hitting the road.
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What the f**k is this even supposed to mean?
Deshaun Watson has made what NFL and NFLPA experts have described as "signs of progress" during his mandatory treatment program, per sources.
espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/3517…
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Bruce Allen was willing to sign Reuben Foster, with no chance of even helping the team this year, over the advice of the team's business people. But Colin Kaepernick, who would inarguably have gotten them into the playoffs, was a no-go. Says it all.
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#Bills Twitter when Josh Allen completes a screen pass.
The degenerate left claimed President Trump had health issues after drinking water with 2 hands.
Today he drank with one and tossed the glass to the side! 🤣
GREATEST. PRESIDENT. EVER.
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NFL Prospect Upbringing Rankings:
Military Family: A+
Preacher's Kid: A
Coach's Kid: A-
Raised on Farm/Ranch: B+
Came to US at early age: B
Foster Family: C+
Rose from Bad Neighborhood: C
Rose from Bad Neighborhood (with record): D
Raised by "Intellectuals": F-minus minus
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Remember when Antonio Brown gave that emotional apology surrounded by team captains and everything was OK? That was 18 hours ago.
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It's funny how Ryan Fitzpatrick still gets to eat lunch off two semi-big seasons in 13 years but Colin Kaepernick is completely unemployable for, you know, totally football reasons.
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Adam Gase is getting touted as a big-time QB whisperer. Can anyone fill me in on who he developed?
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He's 44 years old and 5-foot-9. I am worried about his tackling. 😇😇😇
BREAKING: Former teammate @Matt_Bryant3 tells me he will be in Atlanta to try out with the Falcons tomorrow.
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Tom Brady doesn't want his retirement to be a big deal. But he doesn't want it to be a little deal either. He wants a big deal to be made about what a little deal he made of it, but not that big a deal about this little a deal.
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Gonna be hard to boycott Nike while boycotting the NFL while boycotting Hollywood while boycotting pretty much every other inclusive institution and organization in America.
Unless you're in Russia, of course.
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Some personal news.
I will be leaving @BleacherReport when my contract expires at the end of the summer.
I look forward to providing my uniquely offbeat brand of NFL coverage and analysis at some new outlet for the 2020 season and beyond!
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The problem isn't Andy Dalton. The problem is knowing since roughly October that you needed a solution at quarterback for an otherwise playoff-caliber team, with your reputation and job on the line, and ending up with Andy Dalton.
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Quay Walker deserves a one-year suspension from the NFL.
He has exhibited a pattern of dangerous behavior that could lead to a bystander getting seriously injured during a game. That is absolutely unacceptable.
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I wonder how much Brock Osweiler turning a team into unwatchable garbage hurts pizza sales.
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It's fun watching everyone dunk on this, as if Beane really needs to seriously address questions about the roster he assembled that has won 37 games in three years.
#Bills GM Brandon Beane: “I don't want to suck bad enough to get Ja'Marr Chase.”
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Harvard, La Salle (Philadelphia) and Starfleet Academy are also involved in the discussion.
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The NFL is run by mighty field generals and Leaders of Men who cannot do what kindergarten teachers have been doing for the past month without turning it into a logistical operation on par with Hannibal crossing the freakin' Alps.
A concern has emerged in recent days: There are certain coaches and front-office staffers reluctant to have their IT employees in their homes for fear of the virus spreading, and vice versa; some IT employees are concerned about going into other homes to equip them for the draft.
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The problem with Lamar Jackson and the #Ravens is that they do things differently. Other teams and QBs can lose playoff games (or not reach the playoffs) for years running conventional stuff for years without it being a referendum on anyone's worthiness.
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Stan Lee is the most influential storyteller of this century. His creations have colonized the brains of people like me since we were children. The impact of his imagination and his work on our culture is immeasurable. He added excitement, delight and wonder to the world.
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The #Browns have completed their 3 month 180 degree transformation from "We're a data-driven team with Guardrails" to "LET'S JUST IMPERSONATE THE RAMS WHEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!"
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Did we all forget the sexual assault allegations against Antonio Brown or are we just pretending to forget for the sake of "Hmm, this could be interesting for touchdown reasons ..."
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This is the story of how the #Bills miss their Super Bowl window because their QB and slot WR start what turns out to be the only NFL COVID outbreak of the 2021 season.
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Bullcrap. And a really nasty swipe at DiNucci.
Jerry Jones compared the Cowboys seventh round pick QB to a practice squad receiver. He said Broncos weren't anymore challenged with Kendall Hinton at QB Sunday than the Cowboys were with Ben DiNucci. Wow @1053thefan
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When all the cool kids on football Twitter are gushing about RRR, remember who told you about it first.
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Prediction: the XFL folds after one season because the only people who really want this are folks who horde gold and buy samurai swords at flea markets.
Prediction: With seven years, Vince McMahon makes the XFL an old-school football league that embraces the hitting from the 80s/90s and shifts its schedule to the fall, giving disgruntled NFL fans a hard-hitting alternative.
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BREAKING NEWS: Guy who signed Jay Cutler now "sending a message" to the locker room about effort and commitment.
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Jeff Fisher set the #Rams up for success much like the bubonic plague improved the quality of life for the generation that survived.
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