Essays on the little private truths of dating, sex, nostalgia, aging, and being alive after the internet ruined everyone

more of my bullshit👇
The average person can do most jobs without the bullshit of gatekeeping degrees
2,874
11,240
215,420
9,707,538
Welcome to Hell
622
1,277
117,237
5,458,346
🚨🚨TIMELINE CLEANSE🚨🚨
372
7,553
114,282
4,740,314
You gotta keep all that to yourself, cowboy
1,170
3,417
101,485
6,670,935
What if I told you there were a secret third reason?
977
2,117
93,462
9,268,053
Imagine hover handing a literal prostitute
1,567
722
79,287
7,313,684
🚨🚨timeline cleanse🚨🚨
123
2,293
75,275
2,420,689
Should he open the relationship? LMAO
1,310
1,021
73,418
11,473,307
The world has porn brain— porn brain is the modern default
233
2,177
62,275
4,481,551
THERE WERE SIGNS
1,284
1,246
62,182
4,126,645
MAYBE A HUG IN PRIVATE
929
1,081
56,568
2,271,190
The internet has legit blown the egos of real feel mids into outer space
445
1,371
49,993
4,234,884
A hero emerges…
537
1,310
50,223
3,947,668
“I did something weird and now feel weird about it” is like half of Reddit
515
889
48,930
7,957,100
The zoomers aren’t okay
973
1,882
47,085
2,492,316
Porn brains out there legit ruining their own marriages
448
1,150
45,398
4,764,499
Growing up with the internet has made zoomers crazy
172
703
45,951
3,628,746
🚨🚨TIMELINE CLEANSE🚨🚨
288
3,249
44,977
2,434,238
They will legit publish anything a woman says
720
1,540
41,917
1,764,817
Replying to @thechosenberg
“Would”
47
380
41,351
908,304
🚨🚨ABSOLUTE BRUTALITY🚨🚨
1,377
1,068
38,422
2,733,134
Men know modern women value hook-ups over boyfriends
1,513
1,244
36,267
19,875,461
🚨🚨ABSOLUTE BRUTALITY🚨🚨
622
572
33,950
3,857,198
Fellas?
1,208
329
32,836
2,364,301
Genius strategy, ngl
572
624
31,965
4,697,874
The aristocratic elegance of the 1990’s McDonald’s manager
169
1,774
29,520
1,125,097
The reality of being an incel
911
940
27,588
18,451,788
Why even bother getting married?
607
311
25,924
6,272,774
I love her
98
353
26,662
378,354
Why marrying across class was discouraged for thousands of years
516
680
25,089
3,938,449
This is where we get punished for Blade Runner 2049 being a “boy movie”
486
831
23,500
674,093
SHE COULDNT JUST CLEAN THE HOUSE??
165
438
24,444
982,598
Growing up with the internet has made zoomers crazy
530
460
23,404
3,311,606
Millennial culture was focused on the shock value of profanity— Zoomers will consider this passé
402
575
22,310
3,006,005
Congratulations!!! 🎉🎉🎉
1,735
443
22,145
2,858,470
The aristocratic elegance of the 1990s McDonald’s manager
181
1,327
22,266
754,849
Who is “set for life” with 750k?
Community note
This is a stake ad. x.co
907
443
21,193
917,646
A Redditor’s worst nightmare
398
441
20,568
3,299,446
🚨🚨CHAD ORIGIN STORY🚨🚨
576
424
20,352
1,642,531
🚨🚨ALPHA ORIGIN STORY🚨🚨
674
363
20,069
1,218,847
I admire his resolve
1,161
229
19,188
3,252,157
🚨🚨ABSOLUTE BRUTALITY🚨🚨
231
327
19,042
1,049,021
🚨🚨bLaCkOuT dRuNk🚨🚨
642
363
17,753
2,754,129
🚨🚨TIMELINE CLEANSE🚨🚨
95
370
17,834
925,863
There’s something incredibly charming about this
140
266
17,428
1,059,610
They’re on apps getting zero matches and are too embarrassed to say that out loud
479
429
16,532
1,164,398
Woke up this morning, got yourself a gun
353
373
16,119
1,376,544
Sorry, pal, you’re husband material
317
417
15,354
967,553
My girlfriend will do this thing where she puts “edible flowers” on whatever food she makes. She’ll emphasize the word edible. They’re EDIBLE flowers, she’ll tell me. And when I actually eat the flowers to be polite, she’ll say “you actually ate the flowers??”
Sunday morning sourdough fairy French toast 🧚🏼‍♀️✨
57
341
16,680
278,376
A little glimpse into why Taylor ends up sleeping alone…
1,032
720
15,100
8,269,765
Legit most annoying person ever
#SethRogen recalls doing ‘a ton of acid’ and seeing Grateful Dead at Las Vegas Sphere, and now they're his favorite band of all time.
342
366
14,882
899,743
How can he be helped?
4,367
415
14,443
3,837,253
HE WAS HUSBAND MATERIAL
383
325
14,324
1,258,918
Women had flawless PR until literally social media became popular ten years ago. How crazy is that?
136
1,645
14,304
4,422,306
Why do all women insist on skin tight clothing?
6,782
391
13,453
157,182,637
Women absolutely hate a man’s mother
228
220
13,101
544,222
🚨🚨TWIST ENDING🚨🚨
192
267
12,732
1,177,205
My dream girl doesn’t exi-
138
500
12,340
1,286,440
I love happy endings
78
248
12,328
1,360,002
Being fat and lonely must be pretty nice. Imagine getting $45 of Taco Bell and just wrecking it while watching YouTube in bed. Super legit.
146
434
12,956
530,984
🚨🚨TALLER AND HEAVIER THAN HIM🚨🚨
501
136
12,096
612,283
🚨🚨ABSOLUTE BRUTALITY🚨🚨
611
196
11,821
1,254,446
The guy she thinks isn’t “marriage material”
227
359
11,808
2,735,728
In 1989 this house was meant to serve as a visual reminder of the family’s lower middle class status and financial struggle
305
908
11,400
1,116,022
Learning the details of the Hawk Tuah scam... she's fuckkkkkkked
159
89
11,511
621,014
He immediately tried to spin it as a good thing LMFAO
272
192
11,189
867,302
When we talk about “body count” this is what we’re talking about
322
365
10,681
1,381,498
I’m going to die alone, I’ve wasted my lif-
doctor worm
735
719
11,048
17,479,000
Guys, a woman’s prefrontal cortex doesn’t even BEGIN developing until she’s 25
398
416
10,325
1,667,014
Modern marriage is absolute brutality
550
389
10,531
1,699,905
Dread is the antidote to divorce
97
318
10,353
1,031,605
Imagine being handsome and powerful and pulling an age match as your side piece
471
191
10,842
762,910
Is his job wrestling gorillas?
Royce Lopez
1,565
417
10,453
2,753,488
Fellas?
574
109
9,533
2,502,136
A widow will always love her first more
486
209
10,101
1,946,179
👀
101
173
10,292
1,367,136
Spoiler: she doesn’t care
333
147
9,542
1,546,150
Sex is nothing more than a handshake to a woman
227
306
9,143
982,435
Binge drinking culture has got to go
449
163
9,283
801,144
SHE FOUND HUSBAND MATERIAL
534
236
9,144
1,311,923
You’d see these two Fourth of July weekend down on the Jersey Shore after their six hour drive from Scranton and checking in at the Marriott
209
276
9,400
2,238,376
I found out my used car is actually brand new, what do I do?
455
258
8,630
1,098,368
Replying to @ArmatureCat
LMFAO
1
3
8,866
943,442
Zooey at 45 still trying to look like a quirky 24 year old
677
158
8,306
1,454,468
They act like "black out drunk" can be an excuse for murder- that a court would accept it as a reasonable defense
54
57
8,433
325,136
That’s not your wife, bro, that’s your roommate
15
24
8,684
268,016
🚨🚨ABSOLUTE BRUTALITY🚨🚨
327
191
8,265
940,586
Incels weren’t a thing 40 years ago— ugly men married ugly women. Now the internet has trained them to hate each other.
196
551
7,893
741,033
Replying to @thechosenberg
“We’re not great people” LMMFAO
13
45
8,338
183,816
burger on the fast food poster vs what you actually get
180
195
8,316
95,397
This girl is pretty, but the idea that I couldn’t handle going to her as a dentist is insane
37
41
7,963
189,916
Reasonably handsome fit boyfriend + chubby 4 girlfriend = current year default American couple
235
221
7,739
1,103,223
The aristocratic elegance of the 1994 McDonald’s manager
77
633
7,851
1,356,229
Replying to @aleuthard
100%
4
4
8,020
756,957
I THOUGHT SHE TOLD YOU ABOUT IT
456
278
7,907
848,637
Is divorce his only option?
961
187
7,729
2,694,661
This is the ugliest woman of all time
546
256
7,412
627,083
2002 era Star Wars looks as old now as 70’s Star Wars looked in the 90s
128
220
7,735
263,505
Every man simple wants a beautiful mid to call his own
721
179
7,212
15,280,550