Non-target af. Current 2nd year associate. Can be found snaggin blondes at your local dive bar with @ValuedAssociate
State School
- Tweets 813
- Following 233
- Followers 3,821
- Likes 20,504
VP: āHow are we looking?ā
Junior team: āMaking steady progress. The model has been coming together nicelyā
Current state of the model:
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Currently sitting in the back of the plane, seat 37C, in a full suit (yes, Iām embarrassed)
How come no one has asked me what I do for a living yet?
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Favorite part about Corp Dev:
Itās 2pm, I just finishing compiling a list of requests for the bankers. I set the email on a timer to go out at 8pm, asking for them to be filled by AM
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Maybe I should listen to the boys next time when they tell me the girl I met at 2am out in East Village whoās a full-time pilates instructor isnāt actually my future wife
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QoE guys: can you explain what this plug is in your model?
Absolutely gents, thatās where I took everything that doesnāt balance and made it balance
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Permission to crush 10 modelos while watching mnf with the hometown boys tn and text all of my high schools exās?
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Repeat after me:
I will not spend my signing bonus on a datejust
I will not spend my singing bonus on a datejust
I will not spend my signing bonus on a datejust
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If you open up a fresh Excel and your first strokes arenāt Alt + W + VG, youāre a psychopath
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Have had a date lined up with this gal tonight for a week or so now, and I ran into her into my building last night. Turns out she lives hereā¦. on the same floorā¦. 3 apartments awayā¦. nice!
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My associate and I defending our hockey stick growth projections for a 100+ y/o Midwestern manufacturing co. that has been stagnant for decades:
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MD emailed asking how fast I can wrap up a projectā¦ VP/staffer responded saying Iām on Spring Break and will look at it Monday. Letās nominate this guy for VP of the year š¤
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Do interest rates really impact valuations? Normally I just slap in the value my MD tells me and call it a day
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Me walking into the bakeoff knowing the knowing the only introduction Iāll get is āour internā
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Had a nice closing today and none of the boys want to go drink tonight. So anticlimactic smh
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pov: my hometown bestfriend (whoās also in banking) and I strolling into our hometown watering hole wed night
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āShouldnāt be much weekend work on thisā
My guy we work in Corp Dev, I donāt work past 3pm on Fridayās anymore
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New pitch this morning. Staffer went around choosing the most sunburnt people to be on the team for it
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Decided to stick around my hometown for a bit longer this holiday season to spend some more time chasing / hanging with a gal hereā¦ isnāt this how every Hallmark movie begins, right??
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Excited to announce Iāve officially accepted a full-time offer to join Credit Suisseās IB division next summer! Looking forward to joining such an outstanding, world-class organization.
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Me strolling into the MP to do nothing but introduce myself and correct the CFO on an immaterial answer about the coās 2014 gross margin
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As the culture hire, Iām feeling pretty obligated to rally the junior troops for a happy hour push right about now
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With some fellow juniors from my group for the weekend, for one of their bachelor trips. MD gave us strict orders of no working this weekend. Left my laptop at home for the first weekend in years. Life is good.
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I work in IB and donāt even understand these. Donāt even think about asking me how they connect
If you invest, you must understand the 3 major financial statements:
āŖļø Balance Sheet
āŖļø Income Statement
āŖļø Cash Flow Statement
Accounting is the language of business, so hereās how to understand & analyze each one:
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Client sent us their model and it was only marked v29. Man these FP&A guys are getting off easy
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MD just texted me asking if I could pull a list of potential strategicās tonight, like no bro Iām already pregaming with the boys
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Iām mid workout, and MD just texted asking how fast I could turn his comments as he promised the client weād have the CIM over within 30mins.
SOS how do I respond?
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Ran a capex analysis for recent expenditures on women at the bar and looks like we might be breaking in the positive roi territory baby
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Should be grinding out a CIM rn but instead have been power swiping on tinder for about 20 mins straight. Honestly just going to keep going until Iām out of likes at this point
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Nothing beats the feeling of visiting the parents for the holidays and being greeted with āthereās our little deal closer!!!ā š„°š„°
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High school buddy of mine passed last night, 21 years old. Shits wild, lost touch with him throughout college but really makes you think when the last time you might hear from someone could be
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My dream girlfriend:
- Blonde (natural or fake)
- Some intelligence
Thatās about it honestly
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Iām been granted the honors of being the first to review our new internās very first pitchdeck. Oh boy am I about to have a field day with this one
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My father WFH Me WFH bumping
bumping country big bootie mix 21
š¤
Microsoft excel #refāing us
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Beat the āthese numbers look offā allegations ā
Slammed laptop shut ā
Headed off to the boat ā
Happy Labor Day!
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MD cracked a joke on a call and not a single person laughed. Goes to show that it even happens to the best of us
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Met a friend of a friend the other night, and he mentioned where he worked
First thing out of my mouth: āOh Iām familiar with your company, Iāve aligned your guysā logo beforeā
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Please stop calling me at 2am to ask when Iāll be done with your diligence request list. Youāll get things when you get them
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5 RTās and next nonsense comment I get from my MBA associate Iāll respond with āhow about you focus on getting some bitchesā
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Broke some client news to my VP that I knew he wouldnāt like, and all I got back in response was āF.ā Lmao
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Linked up with all the old roommates from undergrad this weekend in our college town
Ripped the āole stomping grounds, and man it was lame. Used to be an awesome spot
As weāre dipping, my buddy casually drops, āthat was the biggest let down since my parents got divorcedā
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Considering buying my first semi nice watchā¦. any reasons not to?? Feeling like I havenāt treated myself in a while
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Iām proud to announce that since I now have some extra time on my hands Iāll be returning to fintwit
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After reading a few 10kās this morn to prep for an upcoming deal, Iāve gained appreciation for the poor attorneys that have to write these things
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Considering Iām actually a second year analyst, I feel like itās time for a name change. Now accepting ideas, pls hit me with your best ones
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Watched my roommate slam 5 tall boy Guinnessās last night before a first date. Came home absolutely blitzed. Said the date went great. Already set up a second date with her this morning.
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Me when my staffer asks me why Iām so sunburnt this morning while Iāve been on 3 live deals all weekend:
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Added difficulty: make it not only something you can open with, but could also be said in an earnings call
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When she hears my morning routine consists of listening to Jim Donovanās destined to deal lecture before even getting out of bed
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āAh screw it, weāll just estimateā are always my asoās famous last words before pulling a number out of his ass
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Turns out my MD didnāt like it too much when I pinged him asking for barber recommendationsā¦ I thought we were boys
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Never forget the time a few months ago when I was drunkenly clicking through FB stories, accidentally liked a pic from a girl I graduated hs with, and then received this message
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If youāre outside of NY or CHI, most of society doesnāt even know who an investment banker is
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My MD and I at the closing table after convincing our client itās customary to tip 20% of the success fee
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Rolled out with a couple of boys tonight, main goal was to wingman one of the guys..,. this gal told him to come to a bar her and her friends were at. We rolled there, and needless to say, heās not the smoothest out of bunch
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Remember, spank your MD instead of shaking his hand when you first meet to assert your dominance right from the start
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Proud to announce Iāve officially added 3 letters to my name!
Off-Cycle IB Intern, SIE, S7, S79 coming soon š„µ
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Day 4 of vaca, and still have yet to be bothered by anyone. Tbh Iām kinda missing arranging logos and formatting models and I sit on the beach
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MBA associate admitted he doesnāt even know how to make coffeeā¦ why exactly did we hire this guy again?
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Two different intern candidates this recruiting cycle have told me that they can bench press more than meā¦. what has gotten into these kids
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The only thing that hurts a Moelis analystās ego more than losing a pitch is acting like youāve never hurt of Moelis when they tell you where they work
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I used to think valuation work was super complicated but nowadays all I do is slap Industry Avg Multiples on the TTM Ebitda figure and boom, call it good
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I took fintwitās advice and wore a suit on my first dayā¦
Needless to say, I donāt think my team was impressed by my birthday suit
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Recap of blackout Wed:
- crushed 14 Irish car bombs
- drunk called my hs prom date (sheās now engaged)ā
- drunk called my hs senior year hoco date (sheās now married)ā
- mixed boiler room sets with the boys until 5amā
Solid night overall. Canāt wait to do it again next year
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