Logical block cobbler with a hotel fruity whip
Montréal, Québec
- Tweets 808
- Following 5,404
- Followers 2,720
- Likes 15,642
The reason my eyes are dilated is because I am so attracted to you, officer.
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On my porches I have 2 chairs, a bench, a table, a drying rack, 3 bikes that are locked up, a water gun and a copy of Gremlins 2: The New Batch on VHS
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I introduce a gun in the first act but no one gets shot in act 3. This is a play about responsible gun ownership.
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If you commit suicide someone on social media will say you "unalived" yourself they will say "RIP y'all stay prayed up" is that what you want
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Being a cinephile means your whole thing is you sit in a chair for three hours that's your whole interesting personality is that you like to sit in a chair
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Go to college. You'll make one friend, live with people who don't do dishes for a few years, come out of it with twenty thousand dollars of debt and no skills at all. Don't miss out. Go to college.
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Because of my ADHD I can't focus on the victim impact statements unless I am allowed to smoke cigarettes in the courtroom
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I could have told you that all the King's horses would not be able to put Humpty Dumpty back together again it's the hooves
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But if it's morally wrong then why does God want me to jack off to it? 🤔 Riddle me this Batman
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I am practicing mindfulness so I can experience my anxiety as fully as possible with no escape
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You are going to find the love of your life on the weird kink dating app that nobody uses
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Our band's gimmick is that we harmonize and jerk each other off at the same time for the whole concert. It's a tough industry this music biz
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Awwhh... I'm so worried about the poor Jews 😢 The poor Jews the poor Jews the poor Jews, 🙁
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Bob Vylan is one of those hopelessly stupid obviously shooting yourself in the foot type artist names up there with Twin Peaks I didn't know it was a black guy until he started standing up for Palestine and I still just can't take him seriously because the name it's so dumb sorry
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Let's write a comedy sketch together. Okay I can't think of anything. You go first. What is it about? What are our funny ideas?
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Room for rent, secret room only accessible through my dreams but they are reccuring dreams so I'm pretty sure I'll be able to let you in no problem.
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I want $300 for the ugliest weirdest Beatles CD's you've ever seen that are outdated and definitely sound bad
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I can't stop thinking about how life is meaningless and walking through the logic of why it makes sense to commit suicide I'll explain more when I see you at the party tonight happy birthday by the way
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Why is Elon Musk getting involved in politics when he is supposed to be putting microchips into monkey brains and then they die? He is supposed to be abusing animals right now
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I was born with 3 extra fingers on each hand but the extra ones were all chewed off by rats when I was a child so now I'm down to the regular 7
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Oh no the subway takes guy touched the third rail and was electrocuted to death in the most excruciating way possible, :)
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Sucks about Neil Gaiman those books where Count Olaf molests the orphans were so important to me
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The purpose of France is so you can get pictures of yourself at an outdoor cafe and then you can go back to a real country
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They are making me dig my own grave in the basement it's fucking bullshit why should I have to do this
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There are a lot of people using their physical hands to draw anime and I don't want to see that either
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Adam Sandler wore the opposite clothing of what he was supposed to wear what a real one what a fricking genius
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Godspeed You Black Emperor took their music off Spotify they did the right thing thank God, get that terrible music off there
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If you can't put things into words anymore your mind will just stop and everything ends quick start putting things into words
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I didn't get a job once because during the interview I couldn't be bothered to pretend to also like The Karate Kid
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I'm directing a guy in a cowboy hat and a woman in a dress with my megaphone "Ask her does she have any extra skin?" I say to the cowboy meaning I want the woman to show more skin but I want him to ask her for me so I don't have to, through the megaphone that they can both hear
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Follow me on Instagram I'll follow you back instagram.com/gilbusroy?igsh…
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Showing up to the social function as a means of disabling the tribe from gossiping about you
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I actually went to one of those Eyes Wide Shut style occult sex parties with the elites and everyone had to wear a mask which I thought was pretty stupid considering I am fully vaccinated it should be a personal choice at this point
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My Twitter account is private but I can still make people boiling mad by saying I don't respect celebrity chefs in the middle of the night
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If someone were to eat another person’s raw intestines, several things would happen—none of them good:
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Elon Musk looks like the soft vulnerable worm body that isn't supposed to come out of the shell
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Its call HER daddy because it's empowering women. SHE is daddy. Do you get it? You might not be ready for it but there it is.
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Patch that slowly releases alcohol into your skin giving you a constant dose of alcohol for 24 hours
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Highest class to lowest class: crack addicts, murderers, French Canadians, pedophiles, gamers, police officers
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Grimes reveals she was diagnosed with intellectual disability also known as general learning disability and formerly mental retardation
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When I find kids alone in the streets I always chase them so they learn to be afraid of strangers. I help them by teaching
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They better not use artificial intelligence on this movie that was filmed entirely in front of a green screen
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Me and my girlfriend are going to see Challengers with our boyfriend who we don't love he's the least important one and we make that clear he buys his own ticket and everything fuck him
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Every restaurant should be assigned a stray dog who eats all the leftovers out of a government issued pet food bowl
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Today is my birthday let me plug the numbers into an age calculator I'm between 25 and 29 somewhere in that range
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This girl stopped talking to me after I admitted that I was only pretending to be into beekeeping as a joke but to her bees are serious so it shattered the whole illusion of the kind of person I was supposed to be.
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Having sex with children is actually ILLEGAL and considered "child abuse". Follow me for more obscure trivia facts
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The Pulitzer Prize is like the Oscars people write books specifically based on what they think will win a Pulitzer they write about the environment or the Underground Railroad or whatever serious thing you would never in a million years actually want to read a book about
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I had to smash a child in the head with a steel shovel in my dream last night because I knew they had a possessed goblin spirit/demon spirit and they were tying to force their way into my home
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What are the most load bearing posts of all time? And then it's just some fucking garbage
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Martin Short is so pompous and smug and fake. When did he ever do anything funny? Why does he have to be in everything and why am I supposed to think he is a genius?
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You can always watch one of the other 7 versions of Wuthering Heights or one of the other 20 versions of Frankenstein if you don't like the one they are trying to sell to you right now or just wait until next year when they do it again
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Every Thomas the Tank Engine movie has to involve some kind of "ancient mystery of the rails" I'm getting tired of this trope
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WOW GUYS that was incredible. In my personal opinion, it's something of a masterpiece. I recommend that you look into this movie it's called "Citizen Kane".
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Reading The Catcher in the Rye again even though I'm an adult. I should be reading existential philosophy or some kind of technical book but whatever I like him he's just like me he thinks he's better than everyone and he's having mental breakdown and his life is falling apart
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The Social Network 2 and it's about January 6th. Somehow this is real and not a joke. I'd rather watch my family die in front of me.
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I asked ChatGPT to tell me my IQ and it told me I have a high IQ but that can't be right because this is the behavior of a fucking stupid person
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I'm watching Alvin and the Chipmunks 2007 the whole movie in the form of YouTube clips on my phone. Probably the only movie I'll watch all year.
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If you are paying for cable TV you are probably around 60 years old. This is the audience for SNL it is a show for the elderly
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What is the point of owning a baseball pitching machine if you aren't going to load it full of apples?
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While boiling a toothbrush to disinfect it I fell asleep when I woke up my apartment was full of smoke I boiled it into nonexistence smoke alarm is broken I won't tell the landlord because everything is too complicated already so now it smells like burning plastic in here so much
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I would describe my personal philosophy as Zen Buddhism mixed with a bunch of rationalizations for my fucked behavior
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I think it's funny maybe you will get it when you're older and more susceptible to base humor because your brain is dying
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Sonic the Hedgehog was born to be sexual even if you don't believe in Christianity like Peter Gabriel
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In the future Jay Leno falling down a hill is a nursery rhyme and scholars debate whether or not he actually existed
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A child's natural habitat is the playground where they live until they're old enough for the skate park
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Riverdale was the stupidest thing I ever saw rotten bitch teenagers in bad lighting saying things real humans never would
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I'm just going to call into dispatch and let them know that we are making sandwiches and that the whole family is dead here so yeah probably no one is going to eat the food in the fridge I don't think.
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I'm never reading Wuthering Heights or Of Mice and Men or anything in the farm laborer soap opera category
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