lesbian maverick, feminist extremist | read my gf's book Detransition: Beyond Before & After (it's at the library!) linktr.ee/detransition
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More context: this is the post that Hayden is responding to. Hayden reblogged it, called the OP a retard, & then made the post above before deleting everything.
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I seriously could cry from relief from that article being published. I was interviewed in September 2020 and thought there was no way it would ever be published. It is a huge, huge, huge deal. Much love to other survivors of the cotton ceiling.
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I’m going to try to avoid reading the backlash. Honestly queer rape culture temporarily destroyed my life & permanently left me traumatized. I’m 6ish years out and just starting to feel okay most of the time. But there’s only so ok I can be when I know that it hasn’t stopped.
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I am so grateful for detrans women. Because I seriously considered the writing/thoughts of detrans women, I stopped my transition 3 days before my first T shot & stopped pursuing a mastectomy I was fast tracked for. I know now I would have been traumatized by transition.
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1/ The outpouring of support has been staggering. It's incredible to see the cotton ceiling being covered in mainstream media. I am floored.
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I got an anonymous message today from someone who said she hopes I stop hurting trans women someday. This essay is my response. link.medium.com/jy3hy3pxRY
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A group of women in the 1993 Capitol Hill Pride parade wear t-shirts printed with "I'm not a BOY," carrying a banner reading "Women often mistaken for men in public restrooms."
They're smiling & laughing. It's ok to be gender non-conforming 🏳️🌈💞
Source: bit.ly/42ushSG
ALT This photo of the 1993 Pride parade shows a group of women, some wearing t-shirts printed with "I'm not a BOY," carrying a banner reading "Women often mistaken for men in public restrooms."
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I’ve been working on an essay for a long time trying to explain in depth the emotional experience being profoundly affected by cotton ceiling rhetoric to the point of feeling morally responsible to endure rape & abuse. We are real people. This was my life.
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Every day I am so grateful to detrans women telling their stories & making meaning of their experiences. It saved me from the trauma of a mastectomy in an extremely real way. I’m so happy I listened & that there were women to listen to.
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Evan Urquhart, a writer for Slate, is approaching detransitioned women for a piece. It's important those approached know how this journalist speaks on public, professional social media about detransitioned women & others whose relationship w/transition has changed over time.
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Wake up babe, new piece of lesbian iconography just dropped
By radicalfembabey on tumblr
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Horrifies me to see transgender activists gloating over a feminist’s terminal illness. To be deemed TERF is to be stripped of your humanity. Over & over I have watched this. Sadistic vitriol that is never applied to predators in the community doled out gleefully to wrongthinkers.
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People who I had known & cared about for years told me they hoped I starved to death in the street when my gf & I decided to openly state our newfound feminist beliefs despite knowing it would compromise our main income source! Immediately, my humanity gone. Just like that!
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I am so grateful every day that my girlfriend had the moral courage to ask me to wait & think about it 3 days before my first T shot. I had waited for that T shot for 5 years with no insurance, no medical care, homeless & then in an abusive relationship. I wanted it so bad!
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Just started crying when I saw “Rape is not an anecdote when it happens to you.” I’ve been struggling with how to express this feeling. This was my life, my body. I’ll live with what was done for me for the rest of my life. I’ve survived but, of course, it still hurts.
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You can find almost any iconic female writer of the last century idly wishing she was a man in letters/her journals bc the constraints of womanhood are terrible & many
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Imagine watching the 60 Minutes detransition piece, seeing the obvious emotion on the faces of people discussing this very difficult and painful situation, and immediately condemning and dismissing the snippet of their stories they were allowed to tell bc it’s inconvenient to you
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1/ Trans ideology uses the double edged sword of female socialization’s compulsory sympathy & lifelong messages of subservience to males. When introduced to the idea that trans women are the most oppressed of all people and it was largely my fault as a cis lesbian, I bought it.
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I hope in palliative care Magdalen is surrounded by the love & light of her closest friends and family. May the anger we feel at the casual, reflexive, compulsive denigration of her as a person, a woman, a lesbian & an outspoken thinker keep the flames she lit alive.
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It’s so crazy how’s there’s no part of her body a woman could expose to a man on the street to make him feel the same way we do when a man exposes his penis at her. To even try to approximate it, she would have to have a weapon. It is a threat.
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I live in a town with a population 21,000 people. I am currently in the process of fighting to get a transwoman convicted of stalking & sexual crimes against a minor removed from the leadership of the only LGBTQ organization in town, a tiny thing with less than 30 members.
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but because I got nowhere facing & dealing w/my personal trauma OR understanding/facing/beginning to address the massive social pressure of a woman-hating & lesbian-hating society until I stopped chasing a dream where those things had no relevance & my body was the problem.
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6/ Male people take advantage of women’s socialized sympathy. We know the term pity fuck. Cotton ceiling rhetoric is grooming, a liberal feminist guilt trip that targets young & impressionable female people. To use the fertile ground of a young person’s idealism & compassion
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Lesbians are suffering so much under the watchful eye of the lesbian-hating queer community. Meet the new homophobia, same as the old homophobia.
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I trusted her & the logic is undeniable - why not just think about it a little more? Why? And everything followed after that. She was brave to do it, I was brave to try it. And I’m really happy I stopped pursuing transition. Not because I would be ruined by medical intervention,
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I love being a woman & a lesbian. I am proud to be a resilient, thriving survivor of lifelong sexual trauma & domestic abuse. I love being a lesbian feminist with a strong moral framework & a passion for female connection. I cannot be turned away from this life path.
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2/ I want to be clear that my personal story was not in the BBC article - instead, I spoke extensively with Caroline Lowbridge about my experiences in the community & with supporting women who had also faced sexual mistreatment & violence from TW.
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I love that the Dworkin blurb trans rights activists are touting as proof of her being non-transphobic is from 1974. The Transsexual Empire blurb is from 1979. Five years around transwomen was about what changed my mind too, Andrea
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4/ I will share here the same resources I shared with her. My most complete essay on male violence from TW is this call for empathy. medium.com/@kittyit/on-hurti…
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The worst for me was a single comment on a thread in r/transgender about Dana Rivers’ murder of Patricia Wright & Charlotte Reed (and their son Benny Diambu), that read simply, “They were probably TERFs.” Based on nothing except being lesbians murdered by a trans woman.
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Huge shoutout to all the other #detrans & reidentified/desisted women who are survivors of sexual, emotional & physical abuse by trans-identified male people. What was done to us matters, the language of male violence matters. #DetransAwarenessDay
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The prevalence of trans male violence is not a coincidence. It is not just unhappy accidents. Trans ideology harbors & supports male predators like it was almost designed for it. Just got off the phone w/one of the victims’ mom. She doesn’t understand how this could happen.
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Weight lifted! Trauma removed! The blessed relief of forcibly melting away the sexually abused female form. When she asked me to wait, all of those promises made to me by trans ideology were broken in a second. The idea that I should even consider waiting rocked me to my core.
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3/ Caroline said my story was cut for length as the story had to be "cut down quite a bit." She thanked me for helping her understand the dynamics. She was warm, thoughtful, kind, & attentive as I explained.
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When I was in a homeless shelter at 18 in 2008 there was a transwoman present who was jerking off onto women's pillows at night. One woman found semen in her hair. The women who complained were told to stop. I left shortly after but it sucked. There were little girls there.
Not a single one of you cis women transphobe bigots can provide me an actual example THAT HAPPENED TO YOU of a trans woman being “innapropriate” in a “woman’s space.” I don’t want a link to the same article we’ve seen before from your shitty websites. I don’t want random video.
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If I have to see one more fucking person lie that Dworkin would be ok with the current state of trans affair/that she is pro-trans, I am going to go nuclear. She helped with the single most meaningful & relevant chapter of an incredibly meaningful & relevant book. Fuck off.
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5/ I cannot overstate how clearly & repeatedly it was outlined that the ultimate act of political & feminist solidarity with a TW was making yourself secually available. Through interactions with sexual blogs. Sending nudes. Listening to sexual fantasies. Dating. Physical sex.
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I’m grateful for my girlfriend who had just decided to detransitioned & asked me to stop, wait, think. I’m glad I did. I’m so glad I no longer experience intense, life-disrupting distress around my sex (dx’d as dysphoria) & genital-based hallucinations except in a transient way.
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5/ Here is an anthology I edited & released this year that consists of 43 anonymous works by women on their experiences with emotional & sexual abuse & misconduct in the trans/queer community. ugly-truths.com/youtoldme.ht…
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2/ I bought it with a 17 year old heart’s compassion’s & wide-open naiveté. The guilt I felt for not knowing, the horror I felt for these poor people’s plight, it was religious. I started looking on social media for more information. There were already guides of what to do.
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Every day I’m disappointed that @jessesingal, @CultExpert & @charlie_mccann chose to ignore the relevance trans male violence/behavior has to many detrans/re-id’d women’s realizations & journeys. My partner (& myself in two cases) did interviews & were clear about the place
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1/ On this New Year’s Day I just wanna pay tribute to one of the OG detrans women who has been at this for more than 15 years: Redressalert. I’ve seen a lot of tweets about how 2019 was the year that detrans community got rolling, but that’s not true!
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Seeing this piece of shit advertised as a queer mentor on a flyer every time I go the library makes me want to scream. The girl who was stalked walks around with PTSD & a major anxiety disorder. The stalker is featured in small town thinkpieces about being trans in a rural town.
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I have witnessed mass celebration of the assault of an older feminist in a square named to honor the right of free speech. Watched people proudly proclaim with their faces attached that a young lesbian should have been killed instead of merely jumped & beaten for misgendering.
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I wanted to be cured of my body hatred! I wanted to be seen as a goofy, lovable stupid fat guy instead of a fat freak of a woman. I had been promised a “fast track” to a double mastectomy by my general provider after one hysterical appointment. I wanted my huge breasts gone!
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It’s so much easier to say “transphobes think all transwomen are predators” then to address the actual concern which is that male violence in the trans & queer community is a huge problem that is socially taboo.
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I will never go back to silence. I don’t care how much or little mainstream support there is. All I care about is that other women & girls who’ve experienced this are able to find someone saying they’re not alone.
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When my gf & I published an essay openly owning & explaining our gender critical beliefs, friends we had for years told us we deserved to starve in the streets. Strangers posted about how incredible my suicide would be. I was surprised as I no longer am able to be.
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3/ Manifesto after manifesto by trans women told me I needed to educate myself on dfab privilege, transmisogny, to not argue but simply listen if a TW condemned something you said as transmisogynistic & adjust your behavior accordingly.
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4/ There were explicit calls for being as emotionally available for TW as possible, as they had the weakest support systems. Make sure there are enough TW in your friend groups. Make sure they are uplifted. & of course the emotional availability was a precursor to the sexual.
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1/ Quite honestly, I reject the pathologization/diagnosing of what I experienced as a lesbian little girl as “sex dysphoria”. The feelings I had were a totally understandable response to my upbringing & environment. I was brought up in a conservative southern Baptist home.
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Detrans women actually love having fun & cracking jokes & don’t spend all their time squinting in existential agony into the eyes of observers pass it on
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Hey, John Kelly @mashedradish, senior research editor of Dictionary.com! Are you willing to stand by this shallow, biased etymological examination of the term TERF? I would love to see a more measured & fair explanation of the term & the ways it is used daily.
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8/ This piece is by my partner Max. It touches on how experiencing & witnessing male violence from TW was one of the factors that made her detransition & myself reidentify. 4thwavenow.com/2016/04/27/sh…
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Many if not most of those female people are trans people. I was one, so was my girlfriend. So were many of our detrans & reidentified women friends. Male violence matters. Naming male violence matters. Naming male violence from male trans people is a game changer.
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11/ I've been speaking out about this for about 6 years. I am no stranger to backlash. I know we're just getting started, & things are going to be rough. But the relief I feel at there finally being a discussion of this size is intense.
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Like they really couldn't even stick to "fuck terfs" and "get out". Had to put KILL TERFS somewhere women who know intimately what it's like for someone to want to hurt and/or kill you and to act on that urge will witness. Unbelievable.
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YOU TOLD ME YOU WERE DIFFERENT: an anthology of harm
a collection of writing by female people harmed by male trans people while in the trans & queer community.
introduction: medium.com/@kittyit?p=ab6d43…
purchase here: ugly-truths.com/store.html
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12/ If you are a hatereader, if you are a woman trapped in these dynamics, you are not alone. You can get out. You don't have to subscribe to any particular ideology to leave. You don't have to be a radfem or a "TERF". Just know you don't deserve it. Read newthoughtcrime.com.
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6/ Here is an essay I wrote when Twitter changed their terms of service to not allow sex-based pronouns, on the basis of calling it misgendering. It needs a rework but I'm not up to it right now. medium.com/@kittyit/re-twitt…
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This is the Australia preorder for my partner’s book! Watch for a US release coming soon 🥰
"I experienced my transition as a form of resistance, but in reality it only affirmed the same stereotypes that had done me harm to begin with."
Pre-order your copy of Detransition by Max Robinson from spinifexpress.com.au/shop/p/…
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7/ This is an invaluable essay for female people who are being mistreated in the trans/queer community & are questioning this mistreatment. It covers persistent myths in the trans community & the emotional impact of them. newthoughtcrime.com/
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1/ It really is so horrific to me that a child’s obsessive hatred of their own & insistence on wanting to have the other sex’s genitals is being treated as anything other than a sign of sexual dysfunction/harm. I experienced “genital dysphoria” for as long as I can remember.
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Male violence in the trans & queer community goes basically unchecked except by the pointless ebb & flow of callouts, each of which is immediately deemed transmisogynistic. Let trans girls be messy! Do NOT contribute to the stereotype of predatory trans women!
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I’m working on an essay on how I was groomed by an older transwoman as a lesbian teenager but it’s slow going. I want to explain so much - how lesbians have unique vulnerabilities to the techniques in the “politics of desire” but we aren’t alone in being in danger.
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1/ Went to a showing of Vice for HBO’s 28 minute documentary on trans kids & after-film discussion at our local library. My girlfriend, who was a pediatric transitioned who is now detransitioned, prepared a statement & we made handouts. It was a really good experience.
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1/ Seems like there was a push yesterday to uplift trans authors in response to Rowling’s thought crimes. I’m seeing Meredith Russo recommended. I set aside a little time every day or so to respond to people recommending MR with the self-penned confession to rape & abuse.
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15/ I was not a transgender child. I was a lesbian girl in home hostile to girls & lesbians inside a society hostile to girls & lesbians. My confusion was understandable. My trauma reactions were understandable. My feelings were understandable. All in a way “trans kids” are not.
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Yes, women can do these things to each other. It happens every day. That’s not what happened between these male people & us, over & over again. Feminist analysis reveals this easily. The realization that these people are not women came to me before the realization that I was.
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9/ This essay is an incredible thought exercise around the morality of "genital preferences". apacificisland.wordpress.com…
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Let male people w/gender identities beg/threaten for nudes, coerce female people into sexual availability, & use the framework of “dfab privilege”, wait, now it’s being “transmisogyny exempt” as a control tactic resulting in countless scared, silenced, subservient female people.
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TRAs: JK Rowling’s domestic abuser was cis, she should shut the fuck up
Me: My domestic/sexual abuser of 4 years was a trans woman & it had huge relevance to our dynamics & what was done to me
TRAs: You should shut the fuck up
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A beautiful piece by a detransitioned lesbian on her journey and healing.
piped.video/56ybdhAFdfc
Please spread this!
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10/ This is a blog, now semi-inactive, that collects social media posts on the cotton ceiling, many of them sources from tumblr. thecottongaslight.tumblr.com
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The limitations of the application of autogynephile is from a lack of understanding that there can be autogynephilic focus on any type of women. Yes, historically and still a majority of agp is for a very stereotyped “bimbo” femininity. But that’s not the only kind of agp.
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Now transwomen are posting in the #DetransAwarenessDay hashtag “jokingly” presenting themselves as detrans women. Very normal, cute, & boundary respecting behavior as usual!
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You guys want to have a laugh about Judith Butler? Here’s a quote from Conditions (a lesbian periodical) from 1984.
“I [feel] a nagging fear that academic feminists have become perhaps too comfortable in their clubs and lecture halls, and that the political focus of feminism -
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I don’t think I’ve ever met a lesbian who at some point didn’t wish she was a boy or man??? When you’re a little girl who likes other girls you’re like wow. Sure wish I was a boy, bc then things would “make sense.” It’s so fucking simple!
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Seeking submissions of poetry from detransitioned & desisted/reidentified/reconciled women for an upcoming anthology!
Please send your work(s) to uglytruthscollective@gmail.com in a .txt or .doc file with an included brief author bio.
#Detransition #IAmDetrans #Detrans
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Immediately scheduled for my first T shot. So glad my gf asked me to wait and think about it more. She was very brave to ask me. I was brave to listen. The feeling of the hope of transition being taken away was horrific. But the peace I found instead over the years is so precious
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experiencing & observing sexual harassment, sexual coercion & abuse, rape, & emotional abuse from trans women had in realizing transition & trans identity was a sexist sham. Each interviewer rejected the information as too complex for a simple narrative.
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4/ If a little girl is screaming & crying, insistent on having a penis, the question should be why, & the answer should not be “b/c she’s a trans boy.” That is not a satisfactory answer. That is not why. In so many of these cases, sexual abuse of some kind must be present.
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I can’t wait for my gf’s book to come out this year, idk if it’s ok with the publisher to share more details or not yet but believe me it’s fucking awesome. A collection of essays on detransition from a lesbian feminist perspective. I will post about it as soon as I can!!
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The most efficient/effective way I know to measure if a friend/social group, organization, or subculture you are in functions as a cult is the BITE Model. Here it is:
freedomofmind.com/bite-model…
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