I used to have a different account, then I added a Hanson song to a video & everything changed. Birds are evil. Pizza is the best. Vodka is excellent. 1A 🇺🇸
Chicago burbs
- Tweets 8,270
- Following 1,463
- Followers 3,291
- Likes 25,838
More about dude boredpanda.com/dude-holding-…
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Wtf. Are these mask sunglasses?? Actually you know what...I don't even think I wanna know
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If you owned a bar, would you play Closing Time by Semisonic every night at last call? If your answer is no, then we are not the same.
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Random question: If the person who’s hurt you the most showed up at your door, what would you say to them?
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Since this is a new account and some of you guys don't really know me...imma be upfront. I post singing videos on here. I'm not amazing or anything but I really enjoy doing it. So if it annoys you to the point you need to be a dick then simply unfollow me. Thank you.
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Today:
2 hr drive to the airport
1 hr to check in/security
1 hr wait at the gate (only to be told the flight was canceled 5 min before takeoff)
3 hr wait to get checked bag
2.5 hr drive back
It sucked. But if it's about pilots standing up against the mandate then it was worth it
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Let me hear your most unpopular opinion. Something you feel ~90% would not agree with you on
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Whatever cancer, take her nose. My girl is still insanely gorgeous from her no nose to her toes
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My fav person in all the universes is having surgery tomorrow to remove a malignant tumor. The potential outcome is unknown. They literally gave us 0 to 100 —barely a scar or full amputation. Any prayers/positive energy you might be willing to send would be so appreciated. 💜
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You ever have like a super good idea, but under further review it turns out that the idea was in fact not good?
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Baby river otters don't know how to swim when they're born. At 2 months old, adult otters will lure or throw them into the water. They learn pretty quick that way.
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If I turned invisible I'd go to Paris and beat up a performing street mime. The amount of applause he'd get would be amazing.
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I've said this before and I'll say it a million more times the @googoodolls are a gd national treasure #summerfest
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Cookie Monster doesn't even eat his cookies. He just smashes them on his face. Yeah, I said it.
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Had a strong gummy worm craving, so I went to the gas station and bought some. So here's a message to all the kids out there, "if u dream it, u can achieve it". But most importantly once u have a car and no curfew u can get all the candy you want, literally whenever. It's awesome
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Check out this awesome pic I got with @RubinReport ...oops. Either way awesome to meet him and great show!!
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Pro tip: As long as you say "but I digress" after a sentence you can say basically anything and the person you're talking to is forced to bite their tongue because, well, because you digressed
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Since I was taking over the coveted head of the table seat for my late father, I decided to pour some gravy out for my homie into a mashed potato lake with a broccoli tree landscape like he used to do back in the 90s #respect
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I got married 4 years ago today. I thought June 3rd would be the best day because 3 is my fav number and June is my fav month. Now June 3rd will always be a sad day
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So learned something new about myself today. I consider myself a pretty nice person. I never would intentionally make someone feel bad. However if you fuck me over enough times again and again, I guess I have a final straw. And once that's broke? I'm motherfucking ruthless
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Did I ever tell you guys that I recently started a business building yachts in my attic?
Yeah, it keeps me busy, plus sails are going through the roof!
#illbehereallweek
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Excerpt from my dad's last little notebook before he passed. A place where he jotted down quotes and random thoughts 😂
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I love @barstoolWSD and idgaf what any one thinks, he spoke it how it is. You're either a Sox fan or a Cubs fan. This fairweather "I'm a Chicago fan" shit is not how it works. Yeah, they play in different leagues, but in this city they're rivals and a diehard roots for only one
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Nothing like the magenta toner cartridge exploding at 4pm on a Friday. #goodtimes #tgif #gettintoned 🤙🏼
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Good opinions below:
"Shiny Happy People" is an incredibly annoying song.
REM is way worse than Nickelback, and really they should be the butt of every joke.
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I call this, "running to get a red bull, but hey this lighting is killer, so let's get a quick selfie"
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Can someone who is nice send me a list of everyone I should follow again on this account? Please and thank you in advance. I'm missing some rockstars on my timeline and I'm trying to figure out to no avail
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You people defending random things that he protested are silly. Just bc you're a parent doesn't make referring to your child as 18 months (outside the pediatricians office) okay. I mean who other than a parent would ever even say that? Excuse overuled. I rest my case
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Hot take: Having a good sense of humor is the best characteristic one can have. A lot of people are like "No way! What about honesty, compassion or kindness?!" And I'm all like lol, good one.
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My ma just sent me the view from what will be my bedroom for when I go to Sedona the first week of October 😍😍
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Bacon - amazing.
Pizza - the best.
Together? Nope. Agree to disagree...but I just don't get it.
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Signed up for improv classes at Second City starting the second week of January. AND I AM PUMPED
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