Author of Somehow, Almost Everything, Help Thanks Wow, Bird by Bird & Traveling Mercies, as well as seven novels. Mother, grandmother, progressive.
CA
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I just have to repost this. It might be my favorite thing ever. I think the little guy in the corner looks like the inside of our souls.
During what should be a quick nail trim, one groundhog seems to have already accepted its fate... while the other panics with every snip
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I’m getting married tmrw in a redwood grove, at the age of 65, to a tall handsome writer @NealFAllen—good sense of humor, is smarter than I am, can fix anything, and cook. So never ever give up, no matter how things look or how long they take. Don’t quit before the miracle. Deal?
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I thought tonight would be more fun. I still think we eke this out but god almighty. Who ARE these people?
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Here is some free writing advice: Stop Not Writing. You can turn off the tv for one hour. (The breaking news is that no one knows anything yet.) And in that hour, you can get 45 minutes of bad writing done, and this will change your whole day. Just one bad sentence after another.
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So I got married yesterday, to a brilliant sweet soulful man named Neal, aka @NealFAllen. It was perfectly beautiful. Thank you all for your endless love and appreciation. (Signed) Mrs. Anne Lamott
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See, this is just me but if I had a dead worm in my brain, or I shot puppies in the head, I would keep that to myself.
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God stopped by before I woke, so They left me a note that Ruth was resting and getting used to her new digs. They said she’s having a strategy brunch early tomorrow with Molly Ivins and Ann Richards, and for us to buckle up and keep the faith. Then she meets w/ her new trainer.
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We at the Twitter Loser Colony understand that there are much better sites, but we are too old and anxious to move there. Some of us are also perfectly happy at AOL and some of us still use the terms “glove box” and “bathing suits.” We are doing the best we can.
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Demolishing the East Wing is so painful because it looks like something a foreign invader would do to us.
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No one but God or @StephenKing could have made up Ted Cruz.
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How to write: Stop not writing. Get and keep your butt in chair. Write really bad small sections of the whole—passages, moments, episodes, memories—til you have an incredibly shitty 1st draft. Then take out the boring parts, the lies and pretensions. Then write a better 2nd draft
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This is not resistance, it’s co-dependence—trying to manage the catastrophe of dad’s alcoholism. It keeps Dad from hitting bottom by helping him look less insane than he is, hiding the keys from him. It keeps the family boat afloat, when it needs to be sunk. This is collaboration
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By the grace of God and lots of clean and sober alcoholics, I somehow, against all odds, got sober 36 years ago today. If you are sick and tired of being sick and tired, reach out to a sober person in the comments—they will be there for you. I’m not kidding. This is how it works.
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What shocks me to my very core is that SEVENTY MILLION people voted for this traitor, this sexual predator, pathological liar and flagrant criminal. One of the most morally most bankrupt, grossest humans in the country. 70 million people.
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I got clean and sober 33
years ago today. I didn’t mean to, expect to or even want to. I just wanted the pain to stop. As a friend told me, “By the end, I was deteriorating faster than I could lower my standards.” I know my sober tweet people will help you if you reach out here.
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A few days ago on our 2nd anniversary, my beloved @flack50 & I were watching the US Open. He said, “Can I ask you something?” I said casually, “Oh, sure,” thinking it was about the carport we’re building. He said, “Will you marry me?” I’m 64, he’s 63, and God is SUCH a show-off.
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I am utterly stunned by how close this race is. I still think Biden will win, but I thought it would be a huge historical event, when we turned the barge away from the brink, and everyone sighed with relief.
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Free writing advice: Stop not writing. Just do it—do it afraid; filled w/self doubt. Put a 1” picture frame nearby and just write what’s in it—1 passage, an idea, a memory, a possible opening. And do it really badly. Write an incredibly shitty 1st draft of this one thing. You in?
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A bit of a set back here: just got the single worst review of my life prominently featured in the New York Times, brightly illustrated for maximum visibility. Alexandra Jacob’s had a LOT of fun writing it. Feel doomed. Am going to sulk, and overeat.
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I don’t even have the words for not having any words. We stick together. Breathe. Keep the patient comfortable. Feel like shit. Take care of the poor, each other and ourselves. Look around for all the light that remains and can never go out. Sending you all a big quavering hug.
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If you’re glued to the news, or can’t watch, it’s OK. If you’re unable to eat or eating your body weight in ice cream & chips, it’s OK. If you’re having insane, self-centered thoughts about your gym closing, or your roots, or acrylic nails, it’s OK. You—YOU!—and your life matter.
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My beautiful pal passed away yesterday at home. She had (somehow) gotten old. She was the perfect person and had the most beautiful smile. It is the end of the world and I feel that I will never have a moment’s happiness again. You may know the feeling. Sigh.
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Today is my 38th sobriety birthday. I was a regular old lush, a walking personality disorder, when some sober women and Gus, the Great Universal Spirit, fished me out of the slough. They’d once been there, too, and found a way out. If you need help, the people here will help you:
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Here’s today’s writing tip: just do it. It will go badly. Keep your butt in the chair—it will start to go a bit better—not much, but you’ll have some momentum going. Make one terrible passage a little better Encourage yourself like you would a friend, for the courage to try.
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I will be in 8 more cities, and then home; and ALL I plan to do through Nov is to work for Biden. Find a way to plug in. Register voters, adopt a swing state. Every election, I write & address thousands of voter post cards (while watching Below Deck.) Make a plan.The time is NOW.
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Most writers spend 79% of their time on laundry. 9% writing. 4% pretending to read New Yorker while actually napping. 8% random bitterness.
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How to write: Stop not writing. Sit at desk. Keep butt in chair for a while. Write any old paragraph. Fret. Write 1 more shitty paragraph. Get up, start some laundry. Back to desk, 1 more shitty paragraph. Fret. Check laundry. Sit back down, bitterly. Wait! You’ve written a page!
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Even if Warnock wins by, say, 10%, it’s bizarre and almost unfathomable that so many people would vote for Hershel Walker.
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God left me a note that said however much TV you’re watching is OK, & whatever you’re watching—MSNBC? 90 Day Fiancé?—that’s OK, too. If you’re eating a little too much? Fine. We all need ballast right now. God said that pretty much the only thing that does matter, is Wear a mask.
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How to write: want to. Stop not writing. Sit down and think of one story you MIGHT be able to tell badly. Take a stab at it. Blurt it out on paper. Go back and take out the boring or showoffy parts. Don’t give up on it! Listen for what it is trying to tell you.(It knows things.)
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It’s my 35th sobriety birthday. I was deteriorating faster than I cd lower my standards. Sobriety’s given me everything alcohol & drugs promised—a lighted path, the greatest friends, self esteem; it gave me me, you, new life. If you want to give it a try, people here’ll help you!
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Regrettably, I am going to miss Trump’s press conference for a second day in a row, because the kitty is very sleepy and I think we are both going to take a nap.
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I believe 100% in science, and 100% in God. I believe in social distancing and the shutdown of cities, and I believe that prayer changes things.
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I may write a book called The Miserable Blessing of Bottoms. My life began 32 years ago tmrw, when I got sober. I cd never have imagined that all that insanity, shame & sickness cd lead to my sweet life, son, grandson & work. I think of this every day, as the USA hits its bottom.
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The caucuses are like a cross between “The Lottery” and a Christopher Guest documentary.
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Biden and Sanders could be heroes, instead of goats, by stepping down, and throwing their support to one of the brilliant women.
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In early recovery, a guy told me, “By the end of my drinking, I was deteriorating faster than I could lower my standards.” If this is you, the people here in Comments will help you. Just say the word, that you have run out of any more good ideas; then buckle up, and come on home.
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Here is my free writing tip for today. Stop NOT writing. Just do it, badly. Just write the thing you need or want to write, that you are avoiding. That avoidance is costing you greatly, isometrically, and in general well-being. So can you find one measly hour, to write, badly?
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This is a GREAT line.
Trevor Noah: 'Unity doesn’t mean you just do what the losers want' theguardian.com/culture/2021…
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It's my 31st birthday of being clean & sober! If you dont believe in miracles, I present this as Exhibit A. Hooray for God and sober friends
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Elizabeth Warren was the most perfect candidate in ages, and we missed our chance to have a fantastic president. But it didn’t happen. Now it is time to move towards life on life’s terms. Everyone I know is 100% ready to fight tooth and nail to bring down Trump and fascism.
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Trying to figure out if there is a single Trump Cabinet nominee who is not insane, a traitor, and/or a menace to society. I mean this nicely.
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I’m getting the ugliest most hateful replies to my tweets about sticking together, taking care of the poor and keeping the faith. Raw hate. See, I’d be gloating and joyous and kind if Kamala had won. I don’t understand the far right. Getting a blood blister on my blocking finger.
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The White House has become a rotted out hotspot of death and infection, like a Medieval leper colony. I mean that nicely.
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I actually think Thump will enjoy life a great deal more when he is out of the White House; well, except for the debt, and prison.
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I found Hershey’s kisses that go with the cover of my new book. I was in Target, and God said, “Buy them, girl.” So I came home, held my book and ate Kisses. This is the moment when the elbow grease, unbelievable shitty first draft, the self-doubt and waiting is all worth it.
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Today I experimented with listening to MSNBC, and stayed with it heroically for four or five minutes. I am not ready yet.
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This has been the longest three weeks in recorded history, like seven bad months shoved into Spanx.
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What’s so bizarre about listening to Cuomo is that he speaks in complete sentences that have meaning, and facts. And then, he shares another complete thought that builds on the previous sentence, without angrily repeating the last sentence several more times but w/ more adverbs.
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Whatever happened to the two people who were shot on Saturday and were rushed to the hospital in critical condition?
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We never ever give up, no matter what things look like, now matter how depressing the news. It’s okay to hate everything for a few days; then we rise up again, and do the next right thing, which is almost always to help the poor however we can.
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You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should've behaved better.
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Could some of the US soldiers protecting our borders from shoeless refugees be re-assigned—just for a few days—to helping the firefighters?
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This is my nice tall husband @nealfallen standing at the foot of the tallest waterfall in North America. We got married two years ago, three days after I got Medicare, to celebrate the miracle that against all odds we found each other. He found me. I found him. Never give up.
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It’s easy to see how 162,000 dead Americans can be overlooked by the GOP—I mean, gosh, there are still so many of us left—but I wonder if 95,000 infected children gets their attention? More will be revealed.
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The Democrats will lose all hope; the Republicans will overreach. Me, I’m sending money tonight, and getting ready to address postcards to voters.
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Scott Jennings is the single most repellent person on non-Fox tv.
I mean that nicely.
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It’s so so bizarre to watch Gov Cuomo give these long, brilliant, lucid addresses, and then for Trump to come out and present like Bobcat Goldthwait.
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How is it even possible that @BradleyWhitford feels this way? I am wondering if it is some kind of ugly trick, and he is laying the framework to steal my savings, or my dog. (Take the savings; leave the dog.)
One of my favorite human beings on the planet is @ANNELAMOTT. The arrival of a new book of hers is cause for celebration. I’ve already listened to her narration cuz I love her voice and she’s funny as hell and now I’m buying “Somehow” for my mother in law. It’s brilliant.
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I don’t seem to be writing much anymore, beside the occasionalFB post on keeping the faith. But if I started again, I’d tell myself to write bird by bird; a really shitty first draft; to keep my butt in the chair; then go through and take out the lies, adverbs and boring parts.
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Debate prep: I’m going to get a mixed bag of Halloween fun size chocolate bars—M&M’s, Kit Kat, Butterfingers—and every time Trump does the sniffly thing, I get to eat one.
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I keep thinking of what David Sedaris said, that if you’re still undecided, it’s like having a flight attendant asking if you want the chicken, or the shit with ground glass on it, and you ask, “How is the chicken cooked?”
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We don’t actually care what you wear, Senator Collins. We just wish you would vote on the side of women and the poor.
Sen Susan Collins says changing the Senate dress code “debases the institution,” joking she will wear a bikini tomorrow.
“Obviously, I'm not going to wear a bikini,” she said, “But the fact is, as I understand it, I could!”
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God stopped by and left a note that They think you are doing a great job with all this: and They said these days are so hard, infuriating, heartbreaking, scary, that if you’re glued to mindless TV, up & at ‘em or lethargic, bingeing, starving, shopping, whatever, you’re amazing.
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Just wrote a long piece that is not awful. Given the times, it feels like Lourdes. I started w/one image, wrote 1 okay sentence after another. Took paragraphs bird by bird, till I had a shitty 1st draft. Then took out the throat clearing, lies & desperation, and began 2nd draft.
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This is what I can do every day: address and decorate postcards to voters in Georgia. I know I am a simple people, but I love doing it. Soon I’ll move on to another swing state and I hope you’ll join me. I’ll repost some of your links to postcard campaigns:
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I am trying to figure out how many pieces of Halloween Fun Sized candy bars God wants me to eat today. I think probably around fifty.
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I hope Trump and his kids go to prison. But God loves this gross, violent, insane man. That’s the mystery of grace. I’ve said I’d wash Dick Cheney’s feet and I know he’d wash mine; while I’m not there w/Trump yet, I’d get him a glass of water. God and the pope would. Biden would.
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If you can’t stop watching the news, or can’t bear to; if you can’t eat, or you finish off a week’s groceries in 2 days; if you’re still wearing the shirt you’ve slept in for 3 days; if 2 packages arrive from Amazon every day: you are Loved and doing fine; and your life matters.
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I tweeted that no one deserves the humiliation Toobin is experiencing, and I got a blood blister on my blocking finger. You really really get to disagree with me, but you don’t get to be an asshole on my tiny bit of turf.
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Sometimes it is hard to believe that the light shines in the darkness, and that the darkness has not overcome it. How do we not despair? Well, we do despair. Despair is an appropriate reaction. Then we pick up litter, get thirsty people water, let others go first, love recklessly
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This is fabulously smart, well written, and important. Eric Boehlert is one of my favorite political writers and I signed on the day I heard about it
1. NEWS: We can't mend this American mess if we don't try to fix the press. So I'm launching a newsletter, Press Run. A proudly progressive dissection of the press in the age of Trump, Press Run promises fearless media commentary; pressrun.substack.com/
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Please get on board to help stop the recall: Gavin Newsom is not perfect but if you support the environment, public health, women’s rights, and a Dem Senate majority, please start spreading the word. The election is Sept. 14. Register by 8/30 and VOTE. StopTheRepublicanRecall.com
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I go to church with some seriously formidable Black women, and have come to believe they are the main reason anything works at all.
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