A party game for horrible people.
Chicago, IL
- Tweets 7,619
- Following 68
- Followers 96,402
- Likes 4,966
Pinned Tweet
Get 50% off all Clam-O-Merch at Clams.lol.
Clam-O-Naise® by Cards Against Humanity
A jar of mayonnaise. A pack of cards. A lifestyle.
clams.lol
7
7
38
26,567
7 years ago, we bought a plot of land on the US-Mexico border to stop racist billionaire Donald Trump’s dumb wall.
But this year, an even richer, more racist billionaire—@ElonMusk—fucked that land with tractors and garbage, so we’re suing for $15 million. ElonOwesYou100Dollars.com
1,245
5,039
25,309
1,258,845
The government is being run by a toilet. We have no choice... we are going to save America and attempt to keep our brand relevant in 2017
Join in and for $15 we’ll send you six America-saving surprises this December: CardsAgainstHumanitySavesAme…
777
4,021
7,566
🎀👋Say hi to Cards Against Humanity for Her. It's exactly the same as the original game, but it's pink & costs more: CardsAgainstHumanityForHer.c…
86
1,575
3,310
If we win in court, we’ll equally split our lawsuit's net proceeds among all 150,000 original Cards Against Humanity Saves America subscribers—that's up to $100 each. Sign up for your share at ElonOwesYou100Dollars.com, and increase the pressure on Elon by posting this tweet:
67
189
1,773
96,954
Today we’re releasing some new packs. We're donating 100% of profits from all orders to forced-birth Republican hellholes to @abortionfunds. We’re also donating an extra $100k right now.
YourStateSucks.com
276
594
1,620
Surprised to hear that some of our fans are Trump supporters, as Cards Against Humanity requires literacy.
77
826
1,552
In 2017, I paid Cards Against Humanity to protect a pristine plot of border land from Trump’s racist wall. But then an even richer, more racist billionaire—Elon Musk—stole my land and dumped his shit all over it. @ElonMusk owes me $100. #ElonOwesMe100Bucks ElonOwesYou100Dollars.com
70
193
1,441
148,059
Twitter took away our blue check today, so instead of paying Elon Musk $84 for Twitter Blue, we just donated $840 to NASA.
21
115
1,203
45,716
We purchased a plot of vacant land on the US/Mexico border and retained a law firm specializing in eminent domain to make it as time-consuming and expensive as possible for Trump to build his stupid wall.
Read more: CardsAgainstHumanityStopsthe…
39
433
1,106
Quit masturbating for two minutes and call to voice your support for Net Neutrality. This is our last chance to make calls.
Dial 202-759-7597 right now to learn more.
18
534
1,094
We co-wrote this expansion with @bioware writers about the only good AAA video game MassEffectPack.com
33
401
1,088
Last month, 150,000 people gave us $15. Today we’re redistributing their money. Day Three of Cards Against Humanity Saves America: CardsAgainstHumanityRedistri…
65
272
872
Mr. Jackman,
We're huge fans of your hard muscles and kind eyes. You are the best actor in the world.
Our offer stands: Please post a video saying you like Cards Against Humanity, preferably with your shirt off, and we'll donate $10,000 to charity.
GetFiveDollars.com
6
74
902
49,498
Effective today, we are leaving the games industry. It’s time we focus on our real passion: revolutionizing snack food with our new brand, Original Prongles! OriginalProngles.com
64
292
799
Applications are now open for the Science Ambassador Scholarship, a full ride for women in STEM: ScienceAmbassadorScholarship…
28
461
711
Chicago, starting at 4:00 PM the @chicagogamecafe will provide free hot meals & water bottles at our take-out window, no cost & no questions asked. Tonight we have carnitas and veggie burritos. 1965 N. Milwaukee. Please spread the word
7
370
734
@realDonaldTrump You are actually a disgusting excuse of a President and we would love to have @BarackObama back, also you have tiny hands
13
177
667
For Black Friday, we taught a computer how to write Cards Against Humanity cards. Now we put it to the test. Over the next 16 hours, our writers will battle this powerful card-writing algorithm to see who can write the most popular new pack of cards. cardsagainsthumanityaichalle…
29
218
695
We’ve been working for over a year on a family edition of Cards Against Humanity. Today we’re releasing a print & play version for free so kids & parents can play right now while they’re home: CAH.Family
67
260
636
We sponsored $10,000 worth of porta potties at @ScienceMarchCHI. See you out there tomorrow!
10
126
593
For Day Six of Cards Against Humanity Saves America, we purchased the naming rights to a minor league baseball stadium in Joliet, Illinois. Remove your caps and stand for The Cards Against Humanity Baseball Place, the new home of the Joliet Slammers! CardsAgainstHumanitySavesBas…
19
208
609
Sona was the very first winner of our Science Ambassador Scholarship back in 2016. This weekend, she graduated with a degree in Materials Science and Engineering, tuition-free. scienceambassadorscholarship…
4
43
552
We bought a Super Bowl ad this year. Unfortunately it completely tanked. Our thoughts: medium.com/@CardsAgainstHuma…
30
324
525
Well, that about does it. We’re satisfied and out of money. Thank you so much for giving us everything we wanted this Black Friday.
41
18
545
All of us at Cards Against Humanity believe the best thing to do today is help us dig this big hole in the ground. HolidayHole.com
47
602
520
Serving free burritos, coffee, & water from our walkup window, starting at noon today (Wednesday). No cost & no questions asked. We will be here as long as possible. 1965 N. Milwaukee
4
145
485
We're sending potatoes to Senator @RonJohnsonWI until he holds a town hall, help us out: johnsonpotato.com/
26
261
432
Remember Black Friday 2018? We offered an array of dazzling items on sale for 99% off, including a for-real trip to Antarctica. The winners just returned with photos:
We're just about done with Black Friday! For our penultimate deal we're offering a 10-day all-inclusive trip to Antarctica, originally $18K, for $180. Pack a sweater. 99percentoffsale.com/
15
21
439
For the fifth day of Cards Against Humanity Saves America, we used your money to fund a year of public opinion polls. We’ll ask the American people about their social views, what they think of the president, & their pee-pee habits.
Read the results so far: ThePulseofTheNation.com
19
173
394
Homework sucks. Today, we’re partnering with @DonorsChoose to support students going to museums & playing games with their family instead of doing hours of homework after school.
Donate to CardsAgainstHumanityDestroys… today and we’ll match your donations up to $100,000.
17
187
384
Two weeks ago we released the Weed Pack. Today we're donating all Weed Pack profits in support of legalization: goo.gl/a8jcYt
7
124
366
We’re in. We intend to voluntarily recognize this union.
We, the workers, want to change Cards Against Humanity for the better. That’s why we’ve joined @CMRJB. Today we sent this letter to the owners of @CAH demanding voluntary recognition of our union. We’re optimistic they’ll do the right thing. #1u
![Letter of recognition from Cards Against Humanity Workers United [1/4]](/pic/orig/media%2FEbyJBk7WkAMmd3k.png)
ALT Letter of recognition from Cards Against Humanity Workers United [1/4]
![Letter of recognition from Cards Against Humanity Workers United [2/4]](/pic/orig/media%2FEbyJBk8XsAAUG5_.png)
ALT Letter of recognition from Cards Against Humanity Workers United [2/4]
![Letter of recognition from Cards Against Humanity Workers United [3/4]](/pic/orig/media%2FEbyJBk8WkAEAP9k.png)
ALT Letter of recognition from Cards Against Humanity Workers United [3/4]
![Letter of recognition from Cards Against Humanity Workers United [4/4]](/pic/orig/media%2FEbyJBk7XgAAlQoy.png)
ALT Letter of recognition from Cards Against Humanity Workers United [4/4]
14
33
393
Today, we're proud to announce that we're coming out as a beloved gay icon! To celebrate, we're releasing the Pride Pack, 30 new cards that manage to completely encapsulate the queer experience. cahpride.love
25
112
383
Here we go. The 2019 winner of our Science Ambassador Scholarship is Eva, a HS senior from Bellevue, Washington. She earned a full-tuition scholarship with her application video about...about uh...well you'll just have to watch it. piped.video/watch?v=1VUfEc35…
12
68
386
Day One of Cards Against Humanity Saves America is now live: CardsAgainstHumanityStopsThe…
22
140
370
THING WE WANT #17: We Want @RealHughJackman To Say He Likes Cards Against Humanity getfivedollars.com/#jackman
41
133
359
It’s Black Friday, our favorite holiday. This year, throwing money at a prank just felt wrong. So we donated our entire Black Friday budget to nonprofits nominated by our staff instead. CardsAgainstHumanity.com/202…
16
66
379
Congratulations to Anna, winner of our full ride scholarship for women in STEM. Here's when we told her she won: bit.ly/2oJswYH
6
55
359
To celebrate Black Friday, we're offering a dazzling array of consumer products for 99% off. We are confident no one else can beat our deals! Every ten minutes, we'll post a new incredible item for sale! 99percentoffsale.com/
26
118
354
Friends, you broke our webstore. But don’t worry, it will be working again shortly. The codes are good through Monday.
41
8
341
Shepard! Alliance command here, do you copy? We're reporting something big is headed our way... it's a new expansion MassEffectPack.com
11
160
340
Here's how we spent your $71,000 from Black Friday: cardsagainsthumanity.com/bla…
23
287
347
On December 11th, applications close for our full ride scholarship for women in STEM. Students, please don’t let this opportunity pass by: ScienceAmbassadorScholarship…
16
313
344
All profits donated to @emilyslist. Read our press release: docs.google.com/document/d/1…
14
136
315
It's Black Friday! Who wants $5? GetFiveDollars.com
142
152
335
Thank you, we use your website a lot
We figuratively love everything about how literal this is @CAH.
dictionary.com/browse/litera…
4
33
321
We're honored that our game was a clue on last night's episode of @Jeopardy! Hanging this one on the fridge.
7
17
327
Totally unacceptable. We oppose everything Brietbart and Steve Bannon stand for. We'll do what we can to get this taken down.
15
50
272
We are making a public statement. cardsagainsthumanity.com/sta…
244
65
289
Day Two of Cards Against Humanity Saves America is here! Introducing the Good News Podcast, a daily reminder that not all news is bad. Might even help with your morning stress-diarrhea. thegoodnewspodcast.fm
9
73
283
Get your hands out of your pants and listen carefully: we’re hacking the midterm elections, and you can help. CardsAgainstHumanityHacksthe…
47
152
270
A year back for Black Friday 2018, we sold an array of dazzling items for 99% off, including a paid trip to Fiji. The winner just came back from their trip and showed us their photos:
This next one is a doozy: an all-inclusive vacation to Fiji for two.
With any luck, your husband will die mysteriously during the trip and you'll return a rich widow. Only $71.60! 99percentoffsale.com/
12
18
277
Here's some actual good news: Applications just opened for our full-ride scholarship for women in STEM. The deadline is December. Please spread the word: ScienceAmbassadorScholarship…
7
241
267
On Black Friday, a lot of companies promise you something for nothing. We're the only company to offer you nothing for something.
10
152
262
Horrible friends, we need to interview a few fans for a project, via email. We'll send you free stuff if you help us out. Who's in?
280
33
257
We're just about done with Black Friday! For our penultimate deal we're offering a 10-day all-inclusive trip to Antarctica, originally $18K, for $180. Pack a sweater. 99percentoffsale.com/
58
37
254
This Black Friday, give the gift of a real potato covered in dozens of real diamonds. Available exclusively at DiamondPotato.com.
120
48
289
54,914
It's Black Friday, and social media is tearing us apart. Lies. Hate. Crypto enthusiasts. You deserve something better. Introducing #Yowza, our new platform guaranteed to be free of misinformation, hate speech, and bad vibes of any kind. #FuckXJoinYowza Yowza.social
122
54
253
87,311
Congratulations to Amanda Nayee, who baked the best biscuits of Paul Giamatti we've ever seen. 🎉
10
10
232
High school seniors + undergrad women in STEM, one month left to apply for our full-tuition scholarship:
There's a little over one month left to apply for @CAH's full-tuition scholarship for women in STEM. Go go go! scienceambassadorscholarship…
3
91
222
We're on a mission to send a free set of Cards Against Humanity: Family Edition to every public library in the U.S.
Just ask your librarian to email Mail@CardsAgainstHumanity.com with their favorite family-friendly book recommendation, and we'll mail them a copy of the game!
39
91
231
One month until applications close for our full ride scholarship for women in STEM: ScienceAmbassadorScholarship…
6
197
219
And finally, up for sale is the red Spirit of Black Friday suit for $999. A true bargain! Proceeds donated to @FoodDepository. 99percentoffsale.com
31
14
208
We are ready to dominate the snack industry! Once you crunch into these bad boys, you’ll go HOG WILD! OriginalProngles.com
11
51
210
It happened. One lucky clam-fan won our infamous Toyota CLAMRY!! Isn't it pearlfect? 🦪
Official rules & more at Clams.lol.
11
22
217
28,374
The humans win! Over the last 16 hours, our writing staff has managed to outsell the AI - which, by the way, writes thousands of cards a minute, never sleeps, and doesn’t plow through 14 cases of Pamplemousse La Croix a week CardsAgainstHumanityChalleng…
7
20
211
Today we released two new expansion packs: the 2000s Nostalgia Pack and the Ass Pack, with special guest writer/new best friend Sir Mix-A-Lot. $5 each at ass.lol
8
39
204
We're proud to partner with the @MarijuanaPolicy as they work to reform our failing marijuana laws. Does anyone want to hit up Taco Bell
4
19
181
Also, we wanted to know what on earth people in these nightmare-states are thinking, so we ran a poll. You will unfortunately believe what we found:
CAHProvesYourStateSucks.com
14
68
207
Set up at Chicago Pride Fest for the weekend. Come say hi, we’ve got a special surprise for ya
8
13
192
This Halloween, remind the morons in your neighborhood to vote with the one thing that might catch their attention: candy. Grab a bag of our all-new Remember to Vote Worms: VoteWorms.com
16
105
175
Every year we award a full tuition scholarship to a woman in STEM. We checked in with our previous winners, here's what they're working on now: scienceambassadorscholarship…
3
54
194
The Sci-Fi pack is for sale today and all profits will be donated to Worldbuilders: WorldBuilders.org
6
56
195
Very proud to officially recognize our employee's union today
📢📢 It’s official!!!! Our union (w/@CMRJB) has been voluntarily recognized! We decided to organize our workplace because it’s the humane, chill thing to do and we’re relieved that the company recognizes that and has chosen to be chill. #1u
13
11
190
There’s nothing unfortunate about the bold flavor of Prongles! nitter.app/johnbirchman/status/93…
7
14
183
We spent $250,000 of your money to bribe a bunch of Congressmen. CardsAgainstHumanity.com/sun…
21
278
188
If you live in a cool state like California or Delaware, you can choose to donate $5 to @abortionfunds during checkout, and we'll match it.
32
14
177
THING WE WANT #15: We Want @Hellmanns To Bring Back CLAM-O-NAISE getfivedollars.com/#clamonai…
22
27
181